final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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