it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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