My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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