I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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