I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
