Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
