Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
