After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
