im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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