I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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