"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
