I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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