We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I smell like Dick and happiness
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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