This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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