I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
