he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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