A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
