so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
