So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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