Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
