I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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