Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
