okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize