I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
