No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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