What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
