I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
