All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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