I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
