And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I understand Curling. That high.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
