dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
