i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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