would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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