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Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
