He asked me if I "almost moaned"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize