Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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