take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
