been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When are your genitals available?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
