i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
