Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
