Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
