i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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