Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
