his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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