I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
