You can't special order awesome
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
