Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
