Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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