I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How naked do you want me to be?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
