Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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