apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
