I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
