the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
