I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
