Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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