take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
