I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
