Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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