he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
