That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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