Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
