Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
