I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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