i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
