You smell like a Billy Joel song
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
