In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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