i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
