dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
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