I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
