im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
