I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
