Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
