Only a mothe r could love this liver
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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