i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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