No awkward lesbian experiences without me
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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