I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
