fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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