she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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