you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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