just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
