i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
