She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize