She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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