did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
