I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize