You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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