i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
