just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Come on in and take your pants off
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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