420 ftw
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
