be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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