Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
